That evening we did our bedtime routine of bath and bottle and I got her ready for bed. It was a fight to get her to sleep and it pretty much got worse after that. She was very restless and would only sleep an hour or so at a time. She did not want me to put her down. I was exhausted to tears. I had taken two simply sleep assuming she would sleep through the night like the two previous nights. But oh was I wrong and was wishing I had not taken them. Hannah was pitiful. Clearly she was grieving and it was so sad to watch. Around 5am she woke up and looked at me like 'who in the world are you'. She began screaming and pointing to the door. She was trying to get out of my arms so I stood her up in her bed. Stephen went and grabbed her shoes she wore from the orphanage and the bunny we sent her when she was there. She clung to these familiar things and continued to point to the door. She was saying what sounded like, "yay-yay." I felt like she was crying out for her nanny. She finally let Stephen pick her up and console her. I reached for her and she turned away. This had not happened since gotcha day. I fixed her a bottle to see if that would comfort her and it did. It was like a switch had been turned on and sweet little Hannah returned. The rest of the day went great. We went out sight-seeing and she was content as could be in my ergo carrier (I can tell she feels very safe in it)
I explained what had happened to our guide, Rebecca, and she reassured me that it was normal and over all she felt like Hannah was taking to Stephen and I very well. She gave me some helpful tips and it made that days nap and bedtime much better.
I have written this post over two days, so it is now Friday morning. She did beautifully last night, praise God! We woke up at ten till 5 this morning to go to the orphanage at 6:30, a trip I have not felt peace about since we got here, especially after that bad night. I was afraid that she would not want to leave with us after seeing her nanny. She was doing so well and I didn't want to go backwards. The kids at Maoming are taken really good care of compared to most orphanages. This is evident in Hannah's behavior.
So we got ready, ate breakfast, and loaded the bus. All of a sudden I felt like I was going to pass out and I looked at Stephen and said 'I don't want to do this.' Feeling very torn we got off the bus. This trip is grueling enough as it is. I didn't think Hannah or I had it in us. We prayed over Hannah hoping we made the right decision not to go. I feel okay with it.
I am loving getting to know my precious new daughter each minute that goes by. I love her so very much. Please continue to pray for us and the other families on this trip, my mom is now sick:(. We discovered this when we went over to tell them we didn't go. Pray for a speedy recovery!
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